Merry Christmas to everyone and remembering Sandy Hook heroes today

Not the best picture, sorry!

Merry Christmas to my family, near and far, and to those who read our family blog, lurkers and commenters alike. :-) Our thoughts and prayers are especially with those who have lost their children recently. In fact. yesterday for our Sunday school, we cut out candles for each victim that died in the tragic shootings a week and a half ago. It's hard to see in the picture because the sun  insisted on shining even though the blinds were pulled--but now our paper candles kind of light up, don't they?

 I went through the victims names on a website that tells a little something of each victim that died, and I put this on each candle, along with the names and ages of each child and teacher that died. I tried to find the link where I got this information, but now I can't find it.

Two candles are very special to me:

Little Dylan was a special needs student, and Anne Marie Murphy was his special ed teacher. They were both shot dead; Anne Marie Murphy's body was found holding little Dylan. His parents said, "We find great comfort knowing that Dylan didn't die alone."

Do you know how much this comforts me, as a mother of a special needs student? I know, I'm not supposed to be thinking of me, me, me, during this time. But when I read that Dylan died, that he had autism, and the fear and confusion that he must have been feeling, it really struck me in the heart and Max instantly flew into my mind. Remembering Max's words when he had to practice the Intruder Alert drill: "I didn't know what was going on, everyone was hiding and I couldn't find a place to hide."

But the next person that I came across was his special ed teacher, and how she tried to protect him. They both died, but they died at least, holding one another. 

Every candle that I tacked to the wall, I read the child/teacher's name with a little story about them. As the kids (my kids) began to watch the row of candles grow longer and longer, and every name and story they heard, they began to become more and more somber.

This little boy was a hero; he died by trying to lead his friends to safety.

This teacher's body was found shielding the children.

 I don't like having to expose my children to the world--because they are seeing more and more that there is evil. I don't like telling them stories of children getting killed, and I don't like to see their innocence being taken away.

But I decided to do this because the fact is, there is evil in this world. This is the world that they're growing up in. If I have to introduce them to it, then I might as well prepare them for it. But not with anger or vengeance, with prayer. We said a Hail Mary for each victim. I thought Luke was going to pass out from it all.

There was one more candle I wanted to put up. 

Adam and his brother Ryan Lonza. Lucy asked why Adam, who was the killer of these people, got to be right next to Jesus. 

I told her it's because Adam needs the most mercy. 

And who are we to judge, no matter how terrible the evil? 

I pray for Adam because he is still a soul that Jesus died for, knowing full well what Adam would do. But He died for him anyway. Only God knows the capability of Adam's understanding and intent; we don't know what passed between him and God before he died. 

And we pray for Adam's brother Ryan, who is being persecuted daily for what his brother did. I read an article of which he plead, "Please don't call my brother names. He's dead, and I love him."

The kids looked really sad for Adam and Ryan, probably more sad than for the other victims. I had told them that the victims were most likely all in heaven, but for Adam, we don't know where he is. So the kids prayed a Hail Mary for him too, and as Max prayed, he held his arms out in a cross--he only does this when he wants to pray really, really hard. 

We're having a merry Christmas today, despite the sad tragedies, and we're remembering those who are grieving today. We're celebrating being together, looking forward to opening gifts, and celebrate the joy of Christmas. Because we remember that God is bigger than anything.