Overwhelmed

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed today. And frustrated. It seems that nothing is going right.

This is the week that Dennis leaves for five days to go to Oregon for a wedding. He comes back the day before school starts. This is also the week that we have Max and Luke's IEP meeting, something I'm not looking forward to because it seems what I want is not always what "they" want (the teachers.) We all want what is best for Max, yet everyone sees what is best from their own perspective: the teacher sees it from the academic side, the therapist sees it from the therapy side and I see it from my own mother's instinct side.
I forgot to add that trying to figure out how to keep going with Max's therapy with school is a headache; there are too many people involved with too many conflicting schedules. No time slots for after school is open--and I can't even get Fraser and The Therapy Place together so that I would only have to take Max out of school once. So the school isn't happy and is worried about Max missing too much school, Dennis isn't happy, because he doesn't want us to go to therapy twice a week (which looks like might happen) because he doesn't feel we can afford it. And I'm not happy because it looks like I'm going to be forced to give up a therapy--OT and speech, or social therapy.

I'm also not happy because I wasn't even sure I wanted Max to go to school anyway, I felt pressured into it by people. I felt like I had no reason to say no, and Max seemed more open to going to school so I didn't want to hold him back. But now to also be forced to give up therapy is a bitter pill to take--I'm struggling to keep the resentment of being pressured to myself. (The blog doesn't count--it's much better for me to type this out rather than vent in out in person.)

Little things as well--we screwed up on the uniforms and wasted a lot of money. The kids have only half of what they should have and I have to get the rest. There's little fees here and there; technology fees, t-shirt fees, milk fee....and of course more uniforms.

I can't get Lucy in for a meeting because I completely forgot about her because I was so distracted by trying to schedule an IEP meeting for the boys. It wasn't working out because the time of the meeting was the same time that Dennis has to be at the airport--which meant there was no one to watch the kids. A huge miscommunication. Thankfully, we got our neighbors to agree to watch the kids, or else I would have had to bring all 5 of them with, and knowing how tense this meeting is probably going to be, I didn't want to be distracted by the kids.

And to top it off, I always worry when Dennis is gone. I feel the strain of being the "single parent" when he's gone on fishing trips. Last week he had to leave suddenly because his mom had to have unexpected bypass surgery. (She's doing well, by the way.) He was gone only for the day, but it was so unexpected and unplanned. And then when he came back he had to go to work for the weekend.

All this starting right before school and knowing the nerves I will be having with Max going to school for the first time in two years is a hard thing right now. But I'm trying to just trust in God with all this. Normally I try to search in my head for a plan B, C, or D, but I'm out. I can only just bring it to God and leave it there. I feel emotionally drained and mentally fried. It's been a hard couple weeks.

I read this for my meditation today:

Is it not true that there can be no greater happiness in this world than to be governed by God, guided by God, with our will conforming in all things to the will of God? When will you enjoy such happiness? WHy do you not enjoy it even now? What are you waiting for? Give yourself wholly to Jesus. Give Him the keys to your will without reservation. Do this and you will be happy.



You see? Giving up is not always such a bad thing.