Happy Birthday Henry!

 

It is Henry's birthday today; one year ago today, (as I write this post) I was recovering from my c-section and wondering what would happen next.

Basically, nothing, except that we now had #5; a baby boy who the doctors advised that I should abort to save my own life.

Again, nothing happened. And so two lives were saved!

It's a bitter-sweet day for me, as I think about all those months filled with baby days; the first laughs and giggles, the first time we put him in the Bumbo seat and then graduated to the high chair; those nights of rocking him to sleep, those days/nights when he would cry and cry and cry all because of gas.

It's sort of a relief too, to know that those hard days are over. But those baby days only last so long. And so it's bitter-sweet knowing that this is our last baby, and that he's no longer a baby.

And for all those who have well meaning intentions when they say, "But remember--you can't have more kids because of your heart...."

....I gotta tell you, most lovingly and as nicely as I can say it--I don't want to hear it. I already know the risks and I know what will happen---remember, it was me who had the heart attack. It hurts to be reminded of the risks, what will happen, why I can't have more children. I do understand, but I have the right to be a little sad, I think.

I am thankful for Henry as I am for all of my kids; my sadness isn't from feeling like I'm not "done" yet. If I saw God face to face, and He told me, "Five is what you're supposed to have," then I would be content.
No, my sadness is from purposely avoiding pregnancy. It feels like I am rejecting my who could possibly be my future kid(s).

I do believe that Henry was a special gift from God. When the doctors said, "You're done." God said, "No you're not." When they said, "Absolutely no." He said, "Absolutely yes." And when the doctors said, "You will die if you do," God gave me double the life. God understood my pain, and Henry now is like a "band-aid" for my broken heart; he is my reminder that God's goodness and generosity overcomes every sadness.

 This day is not all sad--just a little bit sad, deep in my heart. Outwardly, I join in the celebration and fun of making it one year with Henry. And truthfully, I am excited to experience more "firsts" with him; the first time I see him walk, the first time I hear "Mama", the first time he rides a trike, the first time he sleeps in a big boy bed.

There are still many good days out there.

Many more birthdays to celebrate.

No! It can't be! I can't possibly be ONE!!!

And every birthday must be celebrated.

Happy birthday Henry, and many, many more!!